Its Not Your Choice

Last night I was online looking at hair vendors and I had so many choices. When I chose the one I liked they had more choices of hair textures. I love having choices. I was in my own space and not influenced by anyone. When I go have fun sometimes in New Orleans I go on my own because I get to make my own choices of where I want to shop, eat, or go for entertaiment. I use to go and see family but I stopped and start making it about me. I was being criticized for my choices. I did not go to get someone else's opinion about what I wanted for myself. I found going solo was best for me. All my own choices.

When I meet new people it is my choice if I want to get to know them further. No one else can make the choice to make me dismiss anyone out my life because they feel that person is not worthy. That again is my choice. Everyone has their own personal criteria of what a friend is to them. Im not going to dismiss people out my life because someone else thinks they can go. I am not that shallow.

Our choices shape up. They can build us up, set us back, effect us emotionally or even physically, cause trauma, or even enlighten us. Our choices can make us anxious at times and react.

I notice that I use to take risk and now I am more careful and take more time making choices because my past choices have shaped me. I am now desiring new relationships that are healthy, authentic and genuine. I know that it will take time and no one is perfect. I am not going into them looking at what I can gain because that is not what relationships are about.

You have the choice to listen to this grown up selection:

Levels

There are levels to education, stairs, abilities and even relationships. Yep, relationships. I was so tired after my workout a few days ago. Remind you I live on the third floor at my apartment complex. My body was saying, "that is too far and difficult for this sore body. I wish I had super man to come wisk me away up the stairs," but reality sat in quick. I had to go up each level but I made it gracefully. Sometimes we wisk away with adventureous relationships with a so called "super man" and not experiencing the levels of the relationship as it builds.There are several levels to building relationships. Relationships develop in stages beginning as strangers, acquaintances, casual friends, and then intimate/romantic friends.

We live in a fast pace world and we desire instant relationships with our own expectations that are sometimes fairy tale or media driven. Could you imagine skipping all the steps and going to the top of the stairs? Is it realistic? Could you have success without steps or a plan? In relationships with people how can you go to the next level skipping steps/levels? You and your pal would simply loose all the experiences for growth along the way. Sometimes I have had guys coming trying to Wow me and I really never knew who they were as a friend because they were spending so much time trying to impress me. I wonder if they were ever themselves. We never know how much pressure that is on another human being to please someone else all the time. I see why they Wow you and then have expectations of something romantic afterwards. Going through the levels allows each other to be more authentic and genuine. You see the good and bad naturally. You can be yourself. If you know what level you are on you and the other person knows their boundaries things work smoother with less frustration. This goes for same sex relationships as well. You learn to respect each other. This also prevents us from having unrealistic expectaions as to thinking everyone owes us something. Know the level of the relationship. If you want to do something kind from your heart do NOT do it and expect each time that you should get something back. Remeber the post about not having expectations?

It is important that we have a deep knowing of who we are as individuals when we enter relationships. Our individuality should be fulfilled so that we are not seeking self fulfillment from others. We are greatly responsible for ourselves and personal happiness. Happiness from others can depleat when they become obligated elsewhere or are no longer in our lives to complete what is missing. Others may be assigned temporarily to a part of our jouney or to take steps with us but not necessarily to unload our load on them. I believe both parties can do that forgetting that each person has their own lives and not responsible for the other completely. However, the support of others depending on their level is more than beautiful and comforting.

This week I was speaking to a friend who mentioned that she has not had very many to step out of their way to help in the way I did and it was no biggie for me. She was having car trouble so I volunteered to go where she was and when I got there I gave her car a jump off. She said she was not versed with doing that type of thing and key words did not expect me to do that for her. That is what friends do and we should be appreciative when others support us in ways we cannot within reason. She did not ask me to buy her a car, lone my car or even rent her a car. She is not my spouse lol. We respected the level of friendship we cherish. Same for me even when I have male friends. I do not get sour because they have not been how I think they should be or given me what I want. Again, I am responsible for my own life and happiness. I know who I serve in my faith and he has never let me down and I know he will not.

Levels of relationships are important so Google the five levels of relationships to get a deeper understanding in your time. You will gravitate a whole new meaning to relationships and where you may fall in the lives of others. It is healthy to know we should not expect that we have the social media relationships but meaningful, authentic ones we can cherish as we climb the levels with others in our lives.

Love you

Solo

I am sitting solo with sweet thougts of times I have enjoyed my space. Its like doing a solo dance with the audience captivated and the audience is me. The bottom line is no one is attached to us or owes us anything. As I stated in a previous blog post, "have no expectations". That is when you are hurt the most. Yes, it is nice to be loved and seen as special but not always realistic because we are individuals. We are accountable for ourselves. At some point you will be let down. There are levels to get to friendship and even romantic ones for them to be true. Otherwise, you get a representative and the whole WOW factor. Later, you are questioning where did that person go who sat me on pedistal and worshiped me hand and foot. It is the whole fantasy from Disney coming true. Then we think the whole relationship will be a Disney movie. Not realistic. I use to be the fairytale relationship type but now I want to develop real, genuine, authentic, relationships. Can you imagine how much pressure the other person feels to be so perfect for another person? I want the kind of relationship you do not see on media. The ones that survive the good and bad. The ones that do not pull from you.

People all play a part in your life yes, but sometimes stepping back and being solo is the way to go. Yesterday, I wanted to go to my favorite restaraunt. I called a couple friends but they were not available. That did not mean I had to go home. That meant it was time to roll solo and take me in. I felt so refreshed afterwards and again realized why I do so much on my own. I love my own company as well as others at times. Dont get me wrong I love the company of the good people in my life but there is a time to know yourself enough to be happy in your own company. After all you live in your own skin. Love yourself Babe!